Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Stealing 188 votes is easy. So is killing 90 Swedes.

From the December 16 edition of MSNBC's Morning Joe:
(Cast; Joe Scarborough, Mika Brzezinski, Willie Geist, Pat Buchanan and Mike Barnicle)

My comments are in bold. Let's roll!

BRZEZINSKI: And with Minnesota's Republican Senator Norm Coleman leading Democratic challenger Al Franken by 188 votes only, today the state's canvassing board will begin inspecting as many as 1,500 disputed ballots. That's a tough one.
SCARBOROUGH: Buchanan, can you steal 188 out of 1,500? That's easy, right?

Amazingly it only takes Joe Scarborough a matter of seconds to show why he's a champion asshat.

BUCHANAN: A hundred and eighty-eight? You can get --
BRZEZINSKI: You can find those in your trunk?
BUCHANAN: -- find them in the trunk up in the Iron Range. They've been lost up there.

That trunk story sure has got legs. You've got to credit the Coleman campaign for coming up with baseless lies that really stick.

MIKE BARNICLE (co-host): Not in Minnesota --
WILLIE GEIST (co-host): Franken people say they're up by four votes.
SCARBOROUGH: Yeah, I bet they are.
GEIST: One, two, three, four.
BUCHANAN: In their areas up there, even those good Scandinavian folks would steal a few --
BARNICLE: They don't know how to steal up there.

Before we dive right into the Minnesota stereotypes I would just like to mention that the show Morning Joe is shot in New York City. Look at a map and tell me what is "up there" from New York City because it sure as hell isn't Minnesota.

SCARBOROUGH: Oh, wow. I think --

It sounds like Joe is at first offended by the stereotyping. Then he remembers that he's Joe Scarborough and isn't so sure.

GEIST: They wouldn't do it.
SCARBOROUGH: Don't underestimate them.

Then he dives right in.

BARNICLE: I've been to --
BUCHANAN: You've got a lot of new people up there.

This is code for new non-white people. Oh Patty, your racism is so cute.

BARNICLE: I've been to Minneapolis. They do not know how to steal.

Now this is just stupid. If there is one place in all of Minnesota that knows how to steal its Minneapolis. This guy obviously doesn't have a clue.

GEIST: Hmm, I don't know what that means.
BRZEZINSKI: Both campaigns have pledged to abandon many -- well, all right. Fine -- many of these ballots that are in dispute. But fine. Just move things along, you know what I mean.
SCARBOROUGH: Yeah. Now, I don't think -- and to my good friends at Media Matters -- I don't actually think Al Franken is going to steal votes, I just -- I ask the question.
SCARBOROUGH: I mean, how hard is it to steal 188 votes? I mean --

I don't actually think Joe Scarborough is a douche bag, I just ask the question; why is Joe Scarborough such a douche bag?

BRZEZINSKI: It's a question. Can I --
SCARBOROUGH: Kennedy stole Illinois in 1960; Nixon stole Kentucky. They stole entire states. We're talking 188 votes.

Like Florida?

BUCHANAN: I think they stole Texas in 1960. LBJ -- remember he won the famous election down there in '48?

You mean like Florida?

BARNICLE: Yes, I do.

Okay than.

BUCHANAN: Beat Coke Stevenson by what --
BRZEZINSKI: I could --
BUCHANAN: -- 47 votes, or something?
BARNICLE: Forty seven -- "Landslide Lyndon."
BRZEZINSKI: You have a certain glee to you.
BUCHANAN: "Landslide Lyndon."
SCARBOROUGH: LBJ just -- that was just pure larceny.
BRZEZINSKI: I like the glee --
SCARBOROUGH: That was pure larceny.
BRZEZINSKI: -- in your voice.

That would be the first time someone has liked the glee in Pat Buchanan's voice.

BARNICLE: I think, if you send Pat and I to Minnesota, within two days after we were there, we would come up with 90 dead Swedes and we'd -- this thing would be tied.

Send us to Minnesota to kill some Swedes! In two days we can kill 90! Donate now!

BUCHANAN: Dead-even, right. How many --
BRZEZINSKI: You're a mixture of Santa Claus and the Grinch.
BUCHANAN: What you ask is: How many do we need? -- is what you ask.
GEIST: Yeah.
GEIST: We'll find them. Give me a number.
SCARBOROUGH: That's right.
BUCHANAN: Make sure you give me the right number.
BRZEZINSKI: Speaking of numbers --
SCARBOROUGH: Well, that's the thing. You've got to give me the right number before the election starts, and I can take care of it.

Joe makes a good point, you're much better off to kill your opponents supporters before the election, rather than waiting for the small chance it will end up in a recount. That's why Joe makes the big bucks.

GEIST: Speaking of numbers --
BRZEZINSKI: Speaking of numbers --
SCARBOROUGH: If you don't, then you have a Florida 2000 fiasco.

That's my Joe!

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